Hot Dogs and P-Nut Butter
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A Diamond In The Rough
A Diamond In The Rough
Do you ever wonder where you failed as a mother when it comes to the wayward life of your child? Well, I've pondered this perplexing question for some 35 years. I have two wonderful grown daughters. I wasn't there for them when they were growing up. I guess I was too involved with myself to be a mother to them. Well I'm paying the price today. Oh I have an existing relationship with them and I have asked them both to forgive me for my absent mindness of being a mother to them. You see, I was married at the young age of 16. I had my first child at 17 and my second child at 19 and I was divorced by age 21. I was free, free at last to be me and do whatever I wanted. By the time I grew up at age 31 and met the true love of my life, my husband of 26 years, I felt like it might be too late for me to make ammends to my girls. Some of you know what I'm talking about and please if you have empathy for me, jump right in! I wasn't there for them when they were growing and learning. I wasn't there for them when they were involved in school, the music lessons, the recital's, the parades. I wasn't there for them when they grew into young ladies and got their menstrual cycle. I wasn't there for them to teach them about boys and their first love. So many years I wasn't there for them. When they grew into women and married and had children of their own, then and only then did I start to understand what I had missed in all the years before. I never took the time to talk with them, laugh with them and cry with them. They were blessed, I believe with a step mother who though she was stern and perhaps had some unorthodox ways of disciplining them taught them everything I didn't know. In a way, I was jealous and in a way I was grateful. Nevertheless, these women grew up knowing so much more than I could have taught them. Anyway, I'm getting off the subject. It took some 18 years or more for me and my eldest daughter to even speak kind to each other. But we both worked at the relationship and I believe today, 41 years later that I have a wonderful daughter/friendship with her. Oh we have our up's and down's, but our up's are more frequent than our downs. We don't let too much time go before we make up. We try to stay in touch, perhaps not as often as we wish, but at least we communicate. I don't doubt that she has a deep love for me and that she has forgiven me for my absence in the past. But I have a younger daughter who even at 39 is still having trouble adjusting to life. We struggle, we don't speak for long period's of time and when we do speak it is strained. I know in my heart she loves me. But I believe she is suffering deep down in her heart from the past and bring it upon herself to forgive me. She feels very alienated and unloved. Yet she buck's the system of what we might call a normal lifestyle. My life with her is like the bibical story of the Prodical Son. I try very hard to let her know she is loved. I pray that someday she will understand how it feels to love and be loved. But for now, she is a "Diamond In The Rough".
Blessings
Do you ever wonder where you failed as a mother when it comes to the wayward life of your child? Well, I've pondered this perplexing question for some 35 years. I have two wonderful grown daughters. I wasn't there for them when they were growing up. I guess I was too involved with myself to be a mother to them. Well I'm paying the price today. Oh I have an existing relationship with them and I have asked them both to forgive me for my absent mindness of being a mother to them. You see, I was married at the young age of 16. I had my first child at 17 and my second child at 19 and I was divorced by age 21. I was free, free at last to be me and do whatever I wanted. By the time I grew up at age 31 and met the true love of my life, my husband of 26 years, I felt like it might be too late for me to make ammends to my girls. Some of you know what I'm talking about and please if you have empathy for me, jump right in! I wasn't there for them when they were growing and learning. I wasn't there for them when they were involved in school, the music lessons, the recital's, the parades. I wasn't there for them when they grew into young ladies and got their menstrual cycle. I wasn't there for them to teach them about boys and their first love. So many years I wasn't there for them. When they grew into women and married and had children of their own, then and only then did I start to understand what I had missed in all the years before. I never took the time to talk with them, laugh with them and cry with them. They were blessed, I believe with a step mother who though she was stern and perhaps had some unorthodox ways of disciplining them taught them everything I didn't know. In a way, I was jealous and in a way I was grateful. Nevertheless, these women grew up knowing so much more than I could have taught them. Anyway, I'm getting off the subject. It took some 18 years or more for me and my eldest daughter to even speak kind to each other. But we both worked at the relationship and I believe today, 41 years later that I have a wonderful daughter/friendship with her. Oh we have our up's and down's, but our up's are more frequent than our downs. We don't let too much time go before we make up. We try to stay in touch, perhaps not as often as we wish, but at least we communicate. I don't doubt that she has a deep love for me and that she has forgiven me for my absence in the past. But I have a younger daughter who even at 39 is still having trouble adjusting to life. We struggle, we don't speak for long period's of time and when we do speak it is strained. I know in my heart she loves me. But I believe she is suffering deep down in her heart from the past and bring it upon herself to forgive me. She feels very alienated and unloved. Yet she buck's the system of what we might call a normal lifestyle. My life with her is like the bibical story of the Prodical Son. I try very hard to let her know she is loved. I pray that someday she will understand how it feels to love and be loved. But for now, she is a "Diamond In The Rough".
Blessings
posted by Simply Me at 9:03 PM
2 Comments:
What a struggle that must have been for you to write these personal thoughts down. I commend you and thank you for that in more ways than you can imagine. I know for a fact that you are so loved, as a mother and grandmother. I agree that my mother's ways of discipline were a little unorthodox at times as well but she did what she knew how to do the best way that she could as did you. I am happy for the relationships you have developed with my sisters and nieces and I am ever so grateful that you gave me my sisters and nieces and nephew. That sacrifice you made became the ultimate blessing to the rest of us. Take care!
It's hard to know exactly what to say about this particular blog. It must've been heavy on your mind for a very long time. I'm thankful you have found an avenue for release. I pray that in the midst of life you have taken the time to forgive yourself. You often remind me to release it and not carry it. Sometimes you say you've released it, and you probably have. I know sometimes even after we've released the pressures of our soul, they do sneak back up on us. I love you and as you know, have no regrets about my life growing up with or without you. I am thankful for the relationship God has blessed us with and believe in my heart that someday Laura will come around. She loves you, but doesn't know how to show it freely. I share this experience with you in my own life with my own daughter. The title of our sermon today is my new daily focus and I'd like to share it with you:
BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT IS LEFT, NOT CONTROLLED BY WHAT WAS LOST.
I am so thankful for the bountiful blessings that God gives me every single day. I have absolutely no right to stress over whatever happened in my yesterdays......
On another note....I have enjoyed watching you mature in life since God sent you Jerry. He completes you...
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